my heart is broken

Oh how life is precious and how being a parent puts so much into perspective... Every time my baby smiles I think I'm just a lil more relieved. He's safe with me.... But he's always been safe in GOD's hands. I don't worry so much about him (except maybe the fear of spoiling him too much). BTW... first word is "hello" but only when holding a cell phone to his ear LOL


What I do think (worry) about is the unsettled feeling inside me... I can't shake the desire to be back in Haiti. I want to help. I want to educate. I want to cry. I want a few days back where I was at that hospital, or back on my couch after I arrived home watching CNN n following news stories literally 24 hours a day. OK OK maybe I don't want that. But I know I don't want my old life back.


Experiencing a disaster like this one is too big for me. Thank God, He is much bigger. I've thought about how no one should ever see anyone die. Then I think how the bodies were too numerous to count. Then my mind goes back to particular instances... 
The older man we went to Red Cross to donate blood for that very morning in Port au Prince. His son found me in the crowd and brought me to hold his hand, pray over his father, and just BE there. None of his other family members knew his father had passed. And there was no way to call them.
The father who cried on my shoulder while we watched his baby being sewn with no anesthesia.
The young girl who latched onto me and cried in pain thru the night saying "kouche" (lay down) and "kenbe mwen" (hold me). 
The young boy whose arm was badly broken. His mother paced by our car repeating "I see one with my eyes. I have six, Lord. I see one with my eyes."


The need is so great... The death numbers still climbing. There is little to no infrastructure to take care of these people post operation, no IVs, no oxygen, no antibiotics, no basic aid, only to go back on the street, most without a home to go to. The physical, emotional, and spiritual turmoil of the people fills my thoughts and prayers.


Just days before the tè tremblé (earthquake) I prayed the prayer, "LORD BREAK MY HEART FOR THE THINGS THAT BREAK YOURS" and... my heart is now more broken than it's ever been.


This is a video made in 2009. The footage is from Citè Soleil, where Isaac was born. The dominos make me smile.