Tell Me About It

My bestest Nora posted this on a fb discussion board and I wanted to share it too. It made me kind of tear up, laugh a little, and nod in awe at how well put it is. I get the question from people "what did you do today?" every day and never even know how to put it into words!

I recently experienced that realization that certain people just don't have very maternal instincts. Nothing wrong with it, but when you are like me and go from 100% independent, jet-setting, working, and playing to "mama" some people don't have a clue. This isn't an insult. I didn't have a clue before. My point in posting the article is that, a friend is a friend, no matter what stage in life each of you are in. Everyone needs to vent sometimes and a true friend is there to support and most of all NOT JUDGE.

On the flip side, I've been surprised by some people without kiddos who have been even more supportive than before and involved. The way I look at it is: If you're my close friend, then you're my family, and your family is my family.

Read it and tell me your thoughts.

TELL ME ABOUT IT ®

by Carolyn Hax of the Washington Post

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?
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I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Adoption Update... Court and Paperwork

Good news! We have a court date set for August 24th! PRAYERS PLEASE. We are going in hopes to complete our domestic adoption.

We have very little paperwork from Haiti in support of Isaac's situation and because of that we are going in with a second order to ask for temporary custody granted in MO. Technically I was given custody/sponsorship of him on January 26th in Florida by DHS, but if the judge does not find that or our supporting documents sufficient we will ask for our second choice of temporary custody and then have to wait another 6 months for an adoption hearing. This is certainly not ideal because we will have to find a social worker in AZ to report back to our agency here and then ultimately have to renew our home study again, fingerprints probably, and fly back home for any court proceedings. All of this just means more time and money.

So within the last 2 weeks I've got a copy of his birth certificate from Washington (working on getting it translated hopefully). As of today I have a copy of the affidavit that Chris (the orphanage director) wrote in support of his story with details of how he came to HIS Home for Children and that he was placed there for the purpose of adoption. Hopefully the notarized original arrives in time for court. Of course, this still may not be enough to satisfy the judge, but I think that this in addition to my dossier, post placement home study, and paperwork from DHS in Florida will be a good case in a difficult situation.

Once we get the domestic adoption completed we will hopefully start the process of citizenship for him. Pray that this will go smoothly. Our family services lawyer recommended that we then hire an immigration lawyer, but one thing at a time right now :)

Thanks for all your support! Mwen renmen ou tout

Don't Forget Haiti

With only 2% of promised funds to the devastated country delivered so far. Help us with a project where you know where your money is going and when =)

Six months ago, a magnitude 7.0 earthquake shook the city of Port-au-Prince, Haiti to the ground and many lost their lives. The need in Haiti is still so great. With a heart for embracing orphans among others in need, Embrace Point is partnering with JBA Haiti in support of the Cabaret Baptist Children's Home and School.

The community is in need of a new vehicle and we are close to reaching our goal, but we need your help to cross that finish line!

Embrace the community of Cabaret with us, donate now, and together we can make a difference!

Donate HERE: Embrace Point: Help Haiti Project

Help Haiti Act PASSED

According to Joint Council on International Children's Services last nite in the U.S. House of Representatives: Fortenberry's Help Haiti Act passed, along with Lofgren's International Adoption Harmonization Act!

As I understand it, this will lead to a speedier path for our children to citizenship once they have completed domestic adoptions. SO.... good news. We are still waiting to hear from our lawyers about moving forward with our adoption in MO. Keep the prayers coming.

Father's Day 2010

I had a lot of thoughts going thru my head on Father's Day this year. Most started with all the well wishes to myself and other mothers as well as debates on FB about what constitutes a "father" and so on. I didn't see these kind of debates on Mother's Day, although there are some daddy's holding their children down alone too!

I summed up my feelings in one post "Happy Father's Day to all the daddy's out there! We r so blessed to have an amazing Grandpa in Isaac's life & grateful for all the men who've been involved as strong examples. I appreciate all the well wishes directed to myself & other single parents playing both roles. My prayers r for the earthly daddy that I hope Isaac will have someday:) I pray my baby grows to know that his birthfather loved him as well... AND most importantly that it is his Father in heaven who paid the ultimate sacrifice for him." I could go on, but you get my point.

Really I never thought in a million years I'd be a single mother, let alone by choice. It is the most amazing gift the Lord has given me thus far in my life. But still. I pray for a father figure for Isaac. I pray for a godly, masculine, leader in his life. I know the significance of a child learning by example. How do we expect a man or woman to know how to be in a relationship when they've never seen it to emulate?

Just food for thought.

I have always prided myself in how independent I am, but pride is a sin. And one thing the Lord has taught me is that being a woman is a blessing. It should be embraced and celebrated. Somewhere along the way we lost that and went the opposite direction glorifying a 'superwoman'. YES these women deserve praise and support. They have risen up and overcome hardships in many different forms. But that is because their situation is not ideal. What we should do is glorify and spotlight the men who are being MEN. Thank God for them.

This blog is interesting. You could argue some of his examples, but he's just trying to paint a picture. And I agree with him on many levels.

Happy Father's Day: Absent Fathers Have Black Men Acting Like Women

First Day of School

He's just around the corner, but shorty started pre-school today at The Purple Dragon. Such a grown lil man!

CNN's 'Rescued'

So I noticed this story posted on a friend's facebook page. I opened the link and read the story... thinking how likely the little 2 year old be could be mine. It gave me chills then. But unfortunately I was on mission in Uganda and couldn't watch the show.

Then I received a couple messages asking if I had seen the special on CNN because it is Isaac that Soledad O'Brien is speaking about.

'Rescued': A story that called to me

Read the dramatized description yourself. And to think the healthy boy at home with me is the same child!

I think it's important to note that both the Manassero's and Nungester's are great families living their lives for the people in Haiti and I have witnessed their extraordinary work first hand. Tasha and I took Poutchino to the Manassero's home the day after the the quake to get his IV put in. Chis Nungester was there with others set up out in tents in front of their home. Thank the Lord for people like them!

If anyone knows how to obtain one... I'd like a copy of the show. Have also tried contacting CNN's Ms. O'Brien and commenting on the article, but of course, have no response nor was my comment approved to be published. Hmmmmm maybe knowing that little boy's fate isn't what they are really after... especially if it involves adoption into a loving family.

This clip has Isaac in his playpen for a second. For those of you who don't know, the orphanage did not hold up thru aftershocks the day after I left Port au Prince. They were all moved to the church yard at Quisqueya Chapel for safety and care, but under very difficult conditions Isaac became very ill:

and at 8:00 minutes into this one. City Soleil is where he was born...