A Mother's Footsteps

It was a busy day in our Costa Mesa, California, home. But then, with 6 children and one on the way, every day was a bit hectic. On this particular day, however, I was having trouble doing even routine chores -- all because of one little boy. Len, who was three at the time, was on my heels no matter where I went. Whenever I stopped to do something and turned back around, I would trip over him. Several times, I patiently suggested fun activities to keep him occupied. "Wouldn't you like to play on the swing set?" I asked again.

But he simply smiled an innocent smile and said, "Oh, that's all right Mommy. I'd rather be in here with you." Then he continued to bounce happily along behind me.

After stepping on his toes for the fifth time, I began to lose my patience and insisted that he go outside and play with the other children. When I asked him why he was acting this way, he looked up at me with sweet green eyes and said, "Well, Mommy, in Sunday class my teacher told me to walk in Jesus' footsteps. But I can't see him, so I'm walking in yours."

I gathered Len in my arms and held him close. Tears of love and humility spilled over from the prayer that grew in my heart -- a prayer of thanks for the simple, yet beautiful perspective of a three-year-old boy.

Author Unknown

Memorial in Arizona

After a difficult day our President's words aren't just rhetoric. I wish everyone had the leaders and the system of support we had (however flawed, we are blessed).

"What matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame — but rather, how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better." - President Obama

12 Janvier 2011

It's been a long day. It's really lonely knowing that those around you don't understand or don't even know. People keep telling me to write down my experiences. But I can't. Maybe later. Idk why. Seems too dramatic. Maybe putting it on paper makes it more real? Maybe there just aren't words? I speak ab it all in generalities. I appreciate those who checked on me back then and probed about it all. It has to be hard to ask someone ab something devastating. I could have lost it at any time, LOL, but it helped me to process. I'm not so much grieving for those who died, may their souls RIP. I'm grieving for those left suffering

If I were living in Haiti idk if I'd shake Clinton's hand or shun him. Would I graffiti "down with NGO's" even tho I work w them?... Probably. I've learned there are many out there unworthy of our trust. Don't get me wrong... Foreign aid organizations can play a vital role in helping Haiti and the developing world. The important fact is that they help best by stimulating private investment rather than providing social services. Putting $$$ into our own pockets, governmental or ngo, sending aid to Haiti, just to undercut locals workers and put people out of work makes #NoDamnSense

The best I can pray for today is a better tomorrow. Looking for guidance in living a life of worthy contribution, participation, unity, and most of all LOVE. What can we do to be His hands and feet for today and all of the tomorrows?!

no words

As I say there are no words, I sit and try to write. What else is there to do? Of course continue to advocate for Haiti. Continue to advocate for anyone without a voice. Continue to believe in better things to come despite what I've seen to be mostly the opposite. Continue to try and be the best mother I can be.

But today. What can I do? I haven't eaten, but the day's only half gone and honestly this 1 day fast may be simple with so many emotions involved. I go back and forth between wanting to shut off all forms of communication to avoid timelines, news feeds, messages, and phone calls. But ultimately avoidance doesn't help heal. Tears have come and gone as easily and I've breathed in and out today.

I always relate my feeling through music. I had the words "music and rhythm find their way into secret places of a soul" put on the back of my (RED) iPod. Throughout the past year many songs have touched my heart.

This particular one by Fantasia speaks to me. I want to tell all the people in and around PAP that the worst part is over. My desire is for one year of remembrance to be a time to mourn those lost and look to a brighter future. What I feel is different tho. I feel the worst part isn't over. I can't hold each and every suffering person and sincerely tell them something I'm not sure of. People were suffering before. People continue to suffer. The other side of that is that I want someone to hold me and tell me the worst part is over. I don't always want these vivid images to be forever etched in my mind.

JOIN ME - One Year Later

It's hard to fathom it's already been a year. So much has changed, but I can close my eyes and put myself right back there. I can feel the earth move. I can hear the cries of pain and those mourning. I can see the shock on faces. I can smell certain things I'd rather not write about. I can hear the songs being sung. I can feel the knot in my stomach, even tho very little was shown outwardly until days later back in the US.

There is a physical reaction beyond what our minds can process sometimes. I had never gone without food (or what I would consider an adequate amount) for long prior to the earthquake in Port-au-Prince. I get cranky and sick when I don't eat. But being in a situation where there is little to go around and new prospects for food and water are of concern is something that was a first for me. Many of you who read this can not fathom it either. But so many in our world face this on a regular basis.

There are numerous vigils, events, walks, moments of silence, etc taking place this week. I am asking for all of your support, tomorrow January 12th. Everyone can participate in some way. And let me know how you are!!! I am choosing to spend the day reflecting and fasting. This is tough for me, so all the more reason to do it. Fasting is biblical, but I don't expect you all to do the same. I don't believe in memorizing prayers or giving up things just because you are told to. The Lord asks us to do many things in our lives, but the basis of WHY we do them is most important. The sacrifice, the attention we give to Him during the process is what He wants from us.

When we are truly hungry we can empathize with those who are hungry and we can be grateful on another level that we are blessed with health and nourishment on a regular basis. "So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer." - Ezra 8:23

We all experience compassion fatigue. It's nearly impossible not to. It causes us to become cynical or resistant to those who are suffering. And who wants to think about all the tragedy in the world all of the time? I don't! But it is no excuse to ignore those who need us. Now, one year later, only 15% of promised funds have been delivered. Cholera, an illness that should never result in death, has spread and taken the lives of over 3,600 people according to recent reports. The people of Haiti need our prayers. They need our support and that comes in so many forms. If nothing else, let's take the time to discover how we can individually and collectively be proactive in helping.

The Lord answers prayers AND He provides guidance. "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you." - Jeremiah 29:12 Sometimes the hard part is being patient and waiting on His timing. But as soon as you put all that trust and faith into practice miracles happen. God gives us more than we asked for to begin with. Isaac and I are living proof.

Hannah in the bible, named her son Samuel (sounds like the Hebrew for heard by God) after praying long and hard for a child. "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27

How can you say miracles don't still happen? I prayed for Isaac and some of us had families united long before we could have dreamed possible.

Se bon ki ra

‎"Se bon ki ra" is an old Haitian proverb meaning “good is rare”. Meant to be a reminder to treasure your unique experiences in life.

All of our life's experiences are unique. Sometimes I feel like mine are more so than others. But in our own isolation we actually share that we all have a unique experience. Tonight Isaac ran to get me a tissue when Anderson Cooper's update on the Haitian elections, riots, protesters, and 2,000 deaths to cholera brought tears to my eyes. Oh the irony.

Don't let the media fool you into more media

More and more people seem to be asking about what cartoons or movies Isaac is into. It's funny because he doesn't watch them and even if I turn them on he pays little to no attention. I wouldn't even mention this, but I think that it's worth a second look, or at the very least, some dialogue.

My personal opinion isn't hard to see in the matter. I would prefer Isaac to interact and play, rather than watch a cartoon or even an educational DVD. Why? Because our time together is precious. I don't count and teach him a ton of games or songs or anything. Call me crazy. I let him decide what he wants to play with and I encourage it. I DO talk to him all the time, and we speak a little bit of four different languages.

Now, all that being said, some of these baby einstein and creative programs are well done. My belief is that there will be plenty of time for media and television. Yes, yes I know that it would make my life MUCH easier to put him in front of the tv for a bit to get things done, but even if it takes longer, I love cleaning while Isaac tries to push around the swiffer (that's his new thing). Even when mama has sports on we don't just sit and watch them, he gets excited that he knows what it is and gets out a ball or bat and shows me his skills!

Really in a month or two... or a year or two, I may decide to upload little kid apps to my iPhone. Parenting is a process and another learning/compromising experience in life. But don't judge me for not educating my son via media because I have no problem with your tech savvy kiddo. Not that many people are too concerned with whether their child can play with a wheel and a stick with the other children in Haiti without whining for their PS3. That's just me.

Food for thought below... This applies to adults as well btw ;)

Excerpt taken from One of the Worst Parenting Mistakes You Can Make. British psychologist Aric Sigman writes in his 2008 paper titled, DOES NOT COMPUTE, Screen Technology in Early Years Education:

"… [T]he scientists found that for every hour per day spent watching specially developed baby DVDs and videos such as Baby Einstein and Brainy Baby, children under 16 months understood an average of six to eight fewer words than children who did not watch them.

One of the authors stated," The evidence is mounting that they are of no value and may in fact be harmful.

Given what we now know, I believe the onus is on the manufacturers to prove their claims that watching these programs can positively impact children's cognitive development. The bottom line is the more a child watches baby DVDs and videos the bigger the effect. The amount of viewing does matter."

Keeping a TV in your child's bedroom is not a wise parenting decision, based on the evidence available.

A growing body of research shows strong links between a TV in the bedroom and numerous health and educational problems.

Children with TVs in their bedroom:

• Score lower on school tests
• Are more likely to have sleep problems
• Are more likely to be overweight
• May have an increased risk of smoking
• Tend to consume more unhealthy foods

Clearly, the vast majority of kids and teens are in dire need of more exercise. However, based on the findings reported in the journal Pediatrics this month, exercising more may not be enough to compensate for the detrimental impact of TV and computer use.

The other side of the equation is shutting off your TV and computer more often...

As reported by Live Science:

"The study found that regardless of age, gender, socioeconomic status, or whether a child had hit puberty, more than two hours a day in front of a TV or computer was associated with more emotional and behavioral difficulties.

Most importantly, the connection between screen time and psychological problems held regardless of how much overall physical activity the kids engaged in."

What that means is that it's not a sedentary lifestyle that poses the greatest risk to your child's mental health, but rather the activities your child engages in while being sedentary.

Other sedentary activities, such as reading or doing homework, had no detrimental impact on the children's mental health.

Another interesting fact was that the total amount of time spent on sedentary activities in general also did not have a negative impact on mental health – only the amount of time spent watching TV or in front of the computer impacted their psychology and behavior.