no words

As I say there are no words, I sit and try to write. What else is there to do? Of course continue to advocate for Haiti. Continue to advocate for anyone without a voice. Continue to believe in better things to come despite what I've seen to be mostly the opposite. Continue to try and be the best mother I can be.

But today. What can I do? I haven't eaten, but the day's only half gone and honestly this 1 day fast may be simple with so many emotions involved. I go back and forth between wanting to shut off all forms of communication to avoid timelines, news feeds, messages, and phone calls. But ultimately avoidance doesn't help heal. Tears have come and gone as easily and I've breathed in and out today.

I always relate my feeling through music. I had the words "music and rhythm find their way into secret places of a soul" put on the back of my (RED) iPod. Throughout the past year many songs have touched my heart.

This particular one by Fantasia speaks to me. I want to tell all the people in and around PAP that the worst part is over. My desire is for one year of remembrance to be a time to mourn those lost and look to a brighter future. What I feel is different tho. I feel the worst part isn't over. I can't hold each and every suffering person and sincerely tell them something I'm not sure of. People were suffering before. People continue to suffer. The other side of that is that I want someone to hold me and tell me the worst part is over. I don't always want these vivid images to be forever etched in my mind.

be grounded

Church this morning really spoke to me and i wanted to share with ya. Pastor Purkey preached on Mark, chapter 4, The Parable of the Sower.

He spoke on the power of words and speaking God's word. At some point, no matter who you are, we will all be overwhelmed by our responsibilities and the world. You need to ask yourself... Am i on good ground? It is entirely possible to come to church and still be of the world.

If you are in the word, they will not understand your faith and your commitment. They wonder why you go to church on Sundays or whenever. But those of you who are there know that LIFE is being spoken. Mark also spoke about the possibility of being excited about the word, but lacking "roots". Do not mistake emotional reaction for spiritual depth.

It is essential that you have enough roots to withstand. Ground yourself to be able to take the next step. Some of you are just a step or two away from a blessing. There are so many cares of the world to get caught up in... whether it's emotional, financial, spiritual, success, lust, money, work, home, etc. The enemy is trying to wear you out! But if you seek the kingdom of God, everything else will fall into place. God doesn't mind you having things... He minds things having you!

God will provide. You can't just say 'I want my blessing' and leave the blesser... or 'I want to be healed' and leave the the healer.

It is up to us to be spiritually mature enough to discern what is choking you? What are you worried about? Pastor Purkey spoke on how we should be grateful for what we have... That none of us rode to church on a bike (and the church laughed)... That none of us live in a tent (and i cried). Yes, i tie everything back to Haiti in my mind.

There are so many people who only dream of having what we have on what we think is our very worst days. We should strive to praise and thank the Lord and to stand grounded in His word no matter our circumstances. Because if you treasure something other than Him, you can be sure He knows how to take that away.

Ima leave you with a video that Isaac and i listen to just about everyday by Wyclef and Mavado... both talented artists that sing meaning into many of their songs.

We Shall Rise Again

A video with a song for Haiti made by Carribean artists Sean Paul, Shaggy, Sean Kingston, Etanna, Tessane Chin, David Rudder, Kes, Allison Hinds & Destra, Mika & Belo. Better than we are the world... Check it.

nou se mond la

So this has been a tough week for me. I've had the flu and to make it sound worse H1N1. I've never been down and out this long before. My mind has been all over the place and I go between grateful and distraught often. I'm grateful for the many gifts Isaac has received from our friends and family. Then i'm overwhelmed by how much we have when so many have so little. I'm grateful for those who care to help me get to the doctor, care for my baby, n understanding while i'm so sick. Then i'm burdened with morbid thoughts about people who don't have that. I'm stressed thinking about falling behind on more of my daily chores. Then i think about how blessed i am to be sick and have access to a hospital and water and crackers. Then i think about how little i've eaten and how this skinny look is not cute. But it is temporary and i know that with a certainty others do not have. Those of you who know me know i get restless legs. Idleness, lack of sleep, dehydration, etc all make it worse. It's really miserable. Then i imagine how those buried alive under rubble felt... miserable and fearful. This is just all part of my thoughts and thoughts i know many others deal with at some point in time.

I wish i could share with all the beautiful children in Haiti how much the world cares about them and loves them. There is so much sympathy that i am inspired each day. In feeling the earth shake, knowing the fear n the stench, in my sickness, and now missing haiti and my kids i am somewhat empathetic.... with a rare glimpse into the plight of the people.... i am humbled.

Here's a short video of the boys the morning we went up the hill to pray together.... lol and i put Ronal's favorite song in the background :)

Awwww Jennifer Hudson wow. What beautiful voices! And of course I love me some Wyclef. My favorite line of this touching song redone is... "someone to help you rebuild after the rubble's gone"

what is happening to the children now?

Immediately after the quake the number one question I received was "what did it feel like?". That has now turned into "What do you think about the Americans who tried to take the children across to the Dominican?". Oh the power of the media!


What I think is that they were most likely well-meaning, ignorant people. They may have actually had permission from someone who was not legit and didn't know any better. It does frustrate me because they gave organizations like UNICEF ammunition to put a halt on children being placed with their families... families that have already been matched and established for them. UNICEF has been vocal and I've heard forceful about trying to put a stop to expediting any adoptions at the critical time. They are steady proponents against adoption all over the world.


Do I ALWAYS believe adoption is best? NO. The amount of money the thousands of people around the world spend on adoption could be put into the economies of these troubled nations and completely change the situations these children are in. But then again if everyone gave (just a small amount) we would have the very same effect. They still say 20% of people who can give give 80% of the donations. The world is not perfect.


Most of the orphans we speak of DO HAVE FAMILIES... If you haven't seen it you really can't imagine it. If you haven't lived it you will never truly understand it. That is why the Lord gives us GRACE and why we hold on to our FAITH. I try to explain to people that there are generally 3 options for many of these children that are eligible for adoption...
1. They stay with immediate or extended family will little to no food, water, shelter, schooling, ect. Every situation is different. But the thing that is missing for many is HOPE.
OR
2. They are taken in at an institution such as an orphanage. Depending on the organization they have a much greater chance at 2-3 meals each day and an education.
OR
3. They can be adopted in to a family where they get individual love and care and a chance to thrive with a new sense of belonging and hope.


Study after study shows that a child who feels safe in a home and part of the family excels in each area of their life, more so than those in institutions and even in foster-type care. I would absolutely love for some of the stable families in Haiti to adopt these children, but sadly this is rarely the case. There, of course, is the restavek mentality and even if every one of them decided to take in one orphaned child as their own it still would not be enough. Over half of Haiti's population is under 18. There are tens of thousands of orphans. So that leaves us with a situation, much like my own, where families in other countries attempt to give these children loving homes. 


At the end of the day we are all people. Somos humanos. An organization who is too preoccupied with a political agenda without thinking of the people they are "protecting" is not one I can support. I've learned much about big organizations and how things play out and it is hard not to be cynical. But I would rather be cynical than naive. There are many good people working for organizations such as UNICEF and the Red Cross. But it important to know that their 'political-ness' has resulted in deaths of innocent children. And beyond that, bringing some of these children home to a place they are headed to anyway only opens up room for our children still on the streets to be taken in at an orphanage to be cared for. Last I heard the orphanage directors' phones were ringing off the hook with the police stations and hospitals discharging children with no where to go.



Special Field Report: Haiti's Orphans Held Hostage from Douglas Phillips on Vimeo.

KC Woman Finally Brings Home Adopted Haitian Son

Thanks Amy for the story... and thanks to my fabulous family and friends for being there to greet us and spend time his first night in KC.


I talked a lil to channel 5 reporter Amy Anderson and as soon as this statement came out of my mouth i knew they'd pick that part to air. I said "So happy to be home. I don't think i've ever been so happy to be back in kansas city, ever" LOLOLOL... 

KCTV 5 - January 29, 2010

Are You Listening - Kirk Franklin + Friends Haiti Relief Song

my favorite part... He's got the whole world in His hands... 

Miracles Can Happen

And Miracles Do Happen. 

Check This Video... Some of the photos are my very own!

"The people of Haiti will not be forsaken"

REALLY??? And to think I voted for you.

When did the tarmac turn into a traffic jam? I was at the Port-au-Prince airport from sunrise until almost sunset on Thursday. I left more than 48 hours after the quake and when I did I saw nothing of the sort at the airport. Very few planes and most of what came out the airport doors were reporters.

Why did China make it to Haiti before the US? Why if I was Canadian could I have been evacuated with little wait. WHY?

I know I sound cynical. And maybe I am, but I am also grateful that aid has picked up. I'm grateful for the people all around the world who are giving with open hands and open hearts. Please don't stop. There is so much to do. LET US ALL BRING RESTORATION TO HAITI. And let this tragedy become a new beginning for the nation, building a better infrastructure and sustainability.

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this makes me so happy...

IMAGINE

60 minutes: Wyclef's Hopes for Haiti

I watch very little tv, but hadn't turned it off after football yesterday. This caught my attention and i got a message from a friend who was watching too.

Note, that in addition to Wyclef's birthtown of Croix-des-Bouquets, they also visit Port-au-Prince and Cité Soleil, where my baby was born :)

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4713518n

"Cinderella" - Tribute to Maria Sue Chapman (2003 - 2008)